Demi Lovato Says She Might Not Be Alive If It Weren’t For Wilmer Valderrama

March 16, 2015 / Posted by:

Coincidentally, a whole bunch of STDs just said the same thing.

Today is the day that former mile-high cokehead Demi Lovato celebrates her third year of sobriety from the bad shit, and in honor of what is a legitimate milestone in Hollywood, she decided to make us all want to reach for the closest mind-numbing substance we can get our hands on by posting a picture of herself kissing noted man slut douchebag type Wilmer Valderrama to Instagram. According to Demi, Fez from That 70s Show is the reason she’s clean and sober and still with us:

“I wish I could put into words how grateful I am for this man right here. But my love has grown to a level that words could never possibly express how much this man completes me. He’s loved me the way I never thought I deserved to be loved and with this day marking my 3rd year sober… After sharing my ups, putting up with my downs and supporting my recovery… he still never takes credit and I want the world to know how incredible his soul is. I really wouldn’t be alive today without him. I love you Wilmer”

Mark this day in your calendar: for the first time in history, Wilmer Valderrama is actually responsible for something good. “Now if only he could pay it forward and get rid of this douchey-looking facial hair on me” thought his jawline.

I have a soft spot in my heart for Demi Lovato, because she’s kind of a NFGQiT (No Fucks Given Queen in Training), and normally I’d advise anyone with a snatch to stay as far away from Wilmer Valderrama as possible, but she’s doing really well, which means…he might not be totally the worst? I mean, he is keeping her away from booze and druggy dust. Let me tell you, this situation is a real Snatch-22.

Here’s a healthy and sober Demi Lovato at GMA last Thursday:

Pics: Splash

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