When the reanimated zombie corpse of leggings, aka “stretch pants” (as was their alias back in the day) dug themselves out of the fashion graveyard several years ago, I thought nothing of it, because leggings are comfortable as hell and serve a very important purpose: acting as pants when you do not want to wear pants. Then when crop tops did the same thing, I started to get a little worried, because who the hell wanted crop tops back besides the Kardashian family? Now it appears Rihanna has summoned the fugliest of the undead to walk among us once again: STIRRUP PANTS.
Dior’s newest whore made an appearance on GMA this morning to promote the animated movie Home, and she showed up working some Cookie Lyon-meets-Mary Kay Lady couture. Everything about her look was great until my eyes hit those nasty-ass while elastic straps humping her heels. NO, RIRI, NO!
I have a real problem with stirrup pants for two reasons. One, they always make you look like you can’t handle real pants; they’re the mittens-on-a-string of the pant world. Two, I have always been a tall person, so stirrup pants never worked on my legs. The stirrup part would always pull the crotch part down too low, and when I went to yank them up, the stirrup would snap off my foot and dangle around my ankle like a piece of loose skin. It was all kinds of busted.
However, I will forgive RiRi for wearing stirrup pants if she claims they’re a part of her rich alien culture. I don’t know how fashion works on the sexy planet she comes from.