Miley Cyrus And Patrick Schwarzenegger Are Maybe Talking About Gettin’ Hitched

March 13, 2015 / Posted by:

Here we go again. The last time we checked the pulse of the backwoods love affair between hillbilly moonshine princess Miley Cyrus and rich townie Patrick Schwarzenegger, it was moving slower than any song sung by Miley’s pappy Billy Ray Cyrus not named “Achy Breaky Heart” trying to climb the music charts. What I’m trying to get at is that sources claimed Patrick was slowly inching his way towards the door. But now TMZ says that things are so good between the two, they’re thinking about pulling out the good china (ie. the Dixie Ultra) and the good champagne (ie. Franzia White mixed with Sprite) and having themselves a wedding.

A “source” (Hollerin’ Hank down at the ol’ shouting tree who really needs to get his gossip facts straight) says that Miley and Patrick have been telling friends that they will get married someday. Miley has also been going out of her way to impress Patrick’s mom Maria Shriver, which means not dressing like an amateur stripper chipmunk on break from her morning shift at The Nut Hut, and learning how to speak talkin’ words gooder and more better.

The source also says that neither one is pushing the other to get serious, and the marriage feelings are mutual.

I know that whenever Miley and Patrick’s names pop up in the same breath as the words long-term and totally real, everyone starts kicking out imaginary chairs for which their publicists may take a seat, but I honestly could totally see these two getting married. Obviously it would be a messy shit-show that was the direct result of ripping dirty bong hits while standing too close to an open can of paint in a poorly-ventilated room…actually, now I’m starting to wonder how it hasn’t happened yet.

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