About 10 minutes into Madonna’s interview with Howard Stern yesterday, I wondered why she sounded kind of different. Since she’s no longer living full-time in jolly old England, I say, and isn’t regularly licking on Brit peen, the British accent has left her tongue. But she still sounded weird to my ears. She told Howard that she had a cold, which is also weird, because I thought her nightly Illuminati rituals of biting off the head of a baby dove before smearing its blood on her face kept away simpleton sicknesses like that. I guess not. But then toward the end of the 90-minute-long interview, she told Howard she was wearing grills. And there it is! That goddamn grill again. Are the kids even wearing those anymore? Madge’s poor boy toy. He risks getting metal poisoning of the anus every time she chews that ass.
Howard has talked shit about Madge for years and years, so my ears were totally ready for this interview. Madge told him that she thought he hated her, which is why it took her so long to go on his show and he said that he talks shit about everyone. During an interview with anyone, Howard usually lubes his tongue up with Land O’Lakes and licks on the ass of the trick he’s interviewing to get them to open up. He did that with Madonna yesterday and early on he said she won an Academy Award. At first I thought it was shade and then realized that Bobo probably did the research for this interview.
Howard covered Madge’s life from beginning to now and even though he got into almost everything, I didn’t really learn anything that new. I guess I was expecting her to go full STUNT QUEEN and drop a whole lot of shade, cuntiness and over-exaggerated dingles into my ears, but that didn’t happen. Howard and Madge seemed a little timid with each other at first. It was like two kittens pawing at each other from a distance. But as it went on, they got a little more comfortable. Howard held back a bit, but he did try to joke with her and I don’t think she was here for that.
They talked about her mom’s death, her getting fired from Dunkin’ Donuts for squirting jelly and she told him that her first year in NYC was a nightmare come to life, because her apartment was broken into several times and she briefly talked about being raped. She never reported it, because the humiliation of talking about it with strangers wasn’t worth it to her. Shit got dark.
But then it lightened up when admitted to dating Tupac Shakur and said that Warren Beatty was a good fuck, but when Howard asked her who was the best, she wouldn’t say shit.
Here’s the entire interview if you haven’t spent time with it yet and want to. If you want to sleep tonight, stop listening at around the 1:23 mark, because Madonna repeatedly calls Howard Stern “baby‘ in a sexy phone sex voice. WHY????
And now that Howard Stern has interviewed Madonna, all he has to do is interview Sarah Palin and Hell will become the #1 ice skating destination!