Night Crumbs

March 12, 2015 / Posted by:

JLo showed up to the American Idol finalists party looking like Elsa from Frozen queefed in her eyes. I don’t even know why JLo bothered anyway. She should’ve known that no matter what she wears or how she does her makeup, Keith Urban will still be the prettiest woman in the room – Lainey Gossip 

Duchess Kate sometimes forgets she’s knocked up. To which the British taxpayers said, “We didn’t, trick, since we’re paying for that kid!”Celebitchy

Joseline Hernandez’s Love & Hip Hop co-stars accuse her of lying about their show being a scripted lie – Reality Tea 

The come-to-life Haunted Mansion bride we call Lana Del Rey is in Another MagazineDrunken Stepfather

A Dynasty-style intro for Empire is finally here, but they’re not right for doing Cookie Lyon dirty with that less-than-glamorous still shot – Towleroad

Nooooooooooooooooooooo – Hollywood Tuna 

Leonardo DiCatchAHo donated $50,000 to help Adrian Grenier find the loneliest whale – Jezebel

Snoop Dogg is unloading and there’s no need to hide your ovaries, because he doesn’t mean it like that – The Superficial 

The Internet decided that there wasn’t quite enough WTF this week so it gave us Sarah Michelle Gellar as a rapping Cinderella – The Berry

Gwen Stefani serving up Marilyn Monroe as a Lip Service model – Popoholic

Crispy Ronaldo made Irina Shayk feel ugly – IDLYITW

If you scroll down to the bottom of this post about co-stars who wanted to murder each other’s faces, you may get the answer to that blind item Robert Pattinson told about an actress who was so hated by the crew that they pissed in her bathtub – Pajiba

Frozen 2 is happening because DUH – SOW

Shia LaDouche may have asked Mia NoBrows to marry him and of course she said yes, because who wouldn’t say yes to a dude with a fake rattail? – Just Jared

Our Lady of Cheetos is slowly working on her next album, which I’m sure will be filled with nothing but acoustic Serge Gainsbourg covers – Popsugar

Either that’s Milla Jovovich’s belly button or it’s her baby pressing against her stomach with its foot while screaming, “Let me oooooout already!” – ICYDK

Dr. Nancy Smuggymanresigns” (read: got fired) from her job as medical editor for NBC News – USA Today

Note: I’m cutting out early to get my taxes done, so if you hear a high-pitched “fuuuuuuuck meeeeeeee,” it’s just me screaming while escaping to Canada.

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