Something Nobody Asked For: A Live-Action “Dumbo” Directed By Tim Burton

March 10, 2015 / Posted by:

I pretty much shrugged when Disney pooted out the live-action Alice in Wonderland, and the live-action Snow White,  and the live-action Maleficent, and the live-action Cinderella, and their plans for a live-action Beauty and the Beast, but now those messes have gone way too far. Disney is planning to do a live-action Dumbo as seen through the eyes of Tim Burton. Poor elephants. They went from having the best week ever to the worst week ever.

The Hollywood Reporter says that Ehren Krueger, who wrote the words for all the Transformers movies, is already done with the script. Russell Tovey shouldn’t bother calling his agent to get an audition for the title role, because the elephants are most likely going to be CGI-created. This future shit show will be equal parts CGI, live-action and full blown foolery. This has all the makings of a gigantic mess.

I expect two things from the live-action Dumbo:

1. Johnny Depp will probably play as many roles as possible and I won’t even blink an eye if he plays one of those jive-talking crows, because Hollywood don’t care.

2. Iggy Azalea will probably remake “Baby Mine” and change the title to “Bae Mine.

Meanwhile, Helena Bonham Carter’s lungs nearly collapsed from breathing out the biggest sigh of relief. If she was still with Tim Burton, he would’ve made her play Mrs. Jumbo.

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