Open Post: Hosted By This Buffalo’s Gene Simmons Tongue

March 10, 2015 / Posted by:

If you have one of those wiggling tongue vibrators, you’ll never look at it the same way again.

This viral video, which has been EVERYWHERE, teaches us a very important lesson. Buffalo are a lot like Guy Fieri. You shouldn’t look one in the eye and you shouldn’t give one carbs or it’ll never leave you alone and might possibly trample you while trying to lick the bread crumbs out of your mouth. That’s what Caroline Walker Evans learned while visiting the Olympic Game Farm in Sequim, Washington. Caroline tells the NYDN that she had fed the buffalos at that farm before and they’re usually chill, but that day she came tongue-to-face with one who is the Miley Cyrus of buffalos, because it could not keep that shit in his mouth:

“A lot of people said it looked like he tried to French kiss me. I’m like, ‘OK, you’ve got to take me out to dinner now. I love animals and I love being close to them. I wasn’t scared. I didn’t think anything bad would happen.”

I didn’t think anything bad would happen.” Famous last words. You’re feeding bread to a buffalo and before you know it you’re in the clink on bestiality charges after you get arrested for making out with a buffalo.

Hmmmmm… That buffalo looks really familiar. Those shifty eyes… The way he’s creeping up on that woman… That wiggling tongue… Joe Biden, come and get your spirit animal!

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