If a youngin’ ever asks you “What were the 90s like?” just show them these videos of a 12-year-old Ryan Gosling churning out The Running Man, The Cabbage Patch and every other 90s dance move to a remix of Cathy Dennis’ “Touch Me” while wearing shiny Hammer pants and a sequined purple shirt. That child will obviously say to you, “So, the 90s were HIGHLY inappropriate then?” Pretty much.
Over the weekend, videos of a pre-Mickey Mouse Club Ryan Gosling dancing like everybody is watching made the rounds. Ryan and his back-up dancers delivered a major 90s extravaganza during some dance recital in 1992. A preteen Ryan Gosling knew he was the shit. He has the dance skills of MC Skat Cat and the confidence of a theater kid who always gets the lead in the school play. After this performance, I’m sure Ryan Gosling jazz danced off of the stage, and waiting for him in the wings was his little assistant with a Hypercolor sweat rag and a juice box. Ryan shooed away the juice box, because it wasn’t a Hi-C Ecto-Cooler. Ryan then went to his trailer (aka his mom’s minivan) where he relaxed and celebrated his totally awesome performance with a bowl of Shark Bites (white ones only!).
Behold, the Little Lord of the 90s Dance:
And it goes on. I fell on the floor laughing when those little girls pretended to swoon and faint over Ryan’s presence (some things never change):
Ryan tweeted about these videos and yes, he knows that performance was the highlight of his career and it was all downhill from there. And well, if being a movie star and boyfriend of the Internet doesn’t work out, he should move to Pittsburgh, open up a dance studio for kids and put Abby Lee Miller out of business for once and for all!