You would think that every morning you woke up next to a human pile of vaguely Andy Samberg-ian hot-cute like Jack Antonoff, your crotch parts would pull a Michael Bluth and send an urgent message up to your brain informing it to lock that down. But Lena Dunham told Ellen DeGeneres on Monday’s episode of Ellen that she has no plans to make it legal with her piece of 3 years until everyone in all 50 states is allowed to get married.
“Well, it’s something that … the idea of having a celebration that can’t be fully shared among all the people in my life and all the people that we love just doesn’t really feel like a celebration at all. So, until that’s something that everyone can join into with no sense of being left out on any level, politically, emotionally, it’s just not something that we’re gonna do.”
Obviously, there’s a long-ass list of famous types who said they weren’t going to get married unless everyone could and then slowly tip-toed to the chapel, but I believe Lena and Jack. Lena’s sister is a gayelle, which means that if she does end up going back on her promise and gets hitched before every gay and gayelle is allowed to, she’s in for a world of shit. Sisters are genetically programmed to remind you of every time you said you’d do something and then weaseled your way out of it. I’m no scientist, but I believe part of the structure of sister DNA is a scoff and the words “Um, may I remind you of the time…“. I’m sure if you asked my sister, she’ll confirm that this is 100% true.
Here’s Lena wearing a dress that looks like what happens when I read a sewing pattern wrong (which is all the time) at PaleyFest yesterday: