Open Post: Hosted By Peeps Milk

March 5, 2015 / Posted by:

I learned something brand new today. I learned that there’s humans on Earth who really felt like what we needed as a people was milk flavored like Peeps.

Prairie Farms is selling Peeps-flavored milk in grocery stores in the Midwest right now, because why not, I guess. It comes in three flavors and it’s perfect for hos who feel like regular milk just isn’t pushing them toward early onset diabetes fast enough. USA Today says that Peeps milk is ultra sugary deliciousness for your insides:

The Peeps-flavored milk is packed with more than three times the amount of sugar a serving of regular Prairie Farms whole milk has, clocking in at 37 grams per cup. A serving of whole milk contains 11 grams of sugar. For comparison, a 12-oz. bottle of Coca-Cola contains 39 grams of sugar.

Peeps milk also has more than twice as much sodium – 320 mg per cup compared to 120 mg for a cup of the brand’s whole milk.

Yeah, I don’t know. The name “Peeps Milk” just sounds gross. I don’t know if I want to know what it would taste like if I sucked on a Peeps’ nipple. I know, you really needed that image today. But it could’ve been worse. I could’ve said that I don’t know if I want to know what it would taste like to suck off a Peep, which is what I really thought.

Who am I fooling? I’d drink that mess, but only after mixed it with several shots of vodka, because if you’re going to find out what the leche of a Peep tastes like you should at least get drunk while doing so.

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