Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 26, 2015 / Posted by:

Vince Sly, the Santa Monica coconut vendor/holistic coach from Survivor: Worlds Apart!

The 10 millionth season of the show that makes you scream “That shit still exists?!!!!” premiered last night. This season, the three tribes have been split up by collars. There’s the blue collars (construction workers, postmen, etc…), the white collars (CEOs, office types, etc..) and the no collars, a tribe of free spirits who go where the wind takes them and don’t follow rules or live in a cubicle. I can practically hear my mom saying, “The stoners, basically,” while throwing me a “that’s your kind” side-eye.

Vince, in case you couldn’t tell from that picture of him looking like he was born and raised in Burning Man, is a part of the no collars. He’s a 32-year-old coconut vendor who has traveled all over this planet but lives in Santa Monica now. “Coconut vendor” has to be high on the list of greatest job titles. In his introduction video, Vince says that he owns Coconut Caravan, a “circus influenced but gypsy themed” coconut vending cart service that sells coconuts on the beach and at music festivals. He considers his company a PSO (a portable spiritual oasis).  In other words, Vince is truly living the dream, because not only did he invent a company where he can inhale the good shit vapors all day, but he invented a company where inhaling the good shit vapors all day is actually an asset to his business.

But on last night’s episode, Vince needed a good bong rip, because he went too hard and just needed to lie back and go with the flow like his beautiful hair feathers blowing in the wind. Vince immediately started an alliance with his tribe mate Jenn and I guess he’s just used to coochie magically falling on his face, because he got the sads and had a serious talk with her when she started getting flirty with another dude. There’s obviously something very wrong with Jenn, because who wouldn’t immediately fall in love with a spiritual coconut vendor who looks like what Ke$ha would give birth to 9 months after fucking a stoned Fabio in a pool full of coconut milk at Coachella?

Vince is also a philosopher. Just a few minutes into last night’s episode, he blew out this verbal cloud of wisdom:

“As a coconut vendor, I seek truth. I am a seer of real.”

That has to be the greatest thing I’ve ever heard all week, if not month, if not year. Coconut Vendor should be a Marvel superhero, because he’s the real seeker of truth.

P.S. – Runner-up HSOTD is this dude who tore a leaf off of a tree and ate it while riding in the back of a truck.

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