A Showing Of “Fifty Shades Of Grey” Had To Be Evacuated After A Woman Barfed All Over The Place And Shat On Herself

February 26, 2015 / Posted by:

File this directly in the THINGS THAT ARE TOO EASY file. Right next to a picture of me.

I don’t know what it is about the UK and Fifty Shades of Meh, but they’re having strong feelings about it. They’re either glassing tricks who tell them to shut their mouths or they’re vom-ing everywhere and caca-ing themselves. The Milton Keynes Citizen says that at a sold-out Valentine’s Day showing of Fifty Shades of Grey (Why are we just hearing about this important shit and vomit news now?) at Cineworld in the town of Milton Keynes in England, audience members started complaining about the smell of puke and poop filling the theater. I don’t know if I would’ve complained. I would’ve guessed that the theater is really technologically advanced and had Smell-O-Vision installed. Barf and caca is the natural scent of Fifty Shades of Shit, right? Well, everyone in the audience quickly found out that the stank scent was coming from a drunk woman who just couldn’t resist the urge to turn the theater into a barf and scat party.

One audience member said that after she butt barfed and puked up all of her insides, she couldn’t move and had to be carried out. Because of the shit show in the audience, the shit show playing on the screen was canceled. Everyone was told to get out and they were given refunds.

“I’m not sure of her age but she so drunk she couldn’t move. She practically had to be 
carried out. And the mess she left behind was just 
disgusting. There was no way they could clean it up there and then – it would be a specialist job, so the film was stopped and everybody had to leave. It was so disappointing. We’d really been looking forward to seeing it after reading the books. It was an absolute 
disaster. There is nothing less romantic than seeing a 
woman be violently ill 
everywhere.”

That last line. There’s a Bill Cosby joke there, but I’m not touching it today. You know, I haven’t seen Fifty Shades, but I thought this happened at every showing? Isn’t this just a normal, natural reaction to that movie?

And I bet that as that drunk lady was carried away, a husband who was dragged there by his wife, discreetly tucked 200 bucks into her pocket and threw her a “good job” wink.

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