During that bit on the Oscars last night where Neil Patrick Harris pointed out the seat fillers in the audience, I nearly shook my head off of my neck when none of the seat fillers were the Meryl Streep of seat fillers Phoebe Price! How are they going to devote an entire part of the Oscars to seat fillers and not feature the most famous seat filler of them all? I didn’t even recognize the seat fillers they used. They were like the Dakota Johnson of seat fillers, if that. You know, the Oscars probably couldn’t afford PP’s fee (2 drink tickets and validated parking), because they spent it on whatever they stuffed in Neil Patrick Harris’ chonies.
But PP didn’t need them! She had bigger and better things to do like attend Elton John’s Oscar viewing party. Since Elton John’s Oscar party was filled with a bunch Zz-listers like Miley Cyrus, Hilaria Baldwin and Jesse Metcalfe, PP was gracious enough to bring some A-list power to it by showing up. I bet if you asked anyone at Elton John’s party what they thought of the Oscars, they’d shrug and say they don’t know, because they were too busy watching the forever stunning Chicken Cutlets sip on champagne and nibble on chicken (yes, she’s the most gorgeous cannibal ever). That was the real show.
And if you asked Jabba the Hutt who the best dressed of the Oscars was, he’d definitely tell you it was PP, because she’s giving me bizarro world Princess Leia in a dress that looks like it’s covered in dragon herpes. PP is once again setting trends and next season when you see couture designers sending dragon herpes dresses down the runway, you’ll know who started it all.