As expected by anyone who has ever gotten a good-time buzz going by drinking a couple soda cans full of white wine on their way to a formal event, everybody’s two favorite fun aunts were out in full sassy force last night, and they brought the party, because that’s what Jennifer “Pour Me Another” Aniston and Reese “Laura Jeanne If You’re Nasty” Witherspoon do, and I love it. I don’t know how drunk either of those two were when they arrived to the Oscars (do not tell me 0%, because I’ll refuse to believe it), but it was clearly at a messy enough level for Aunt Laura Jeanne to sneak up behind Aunt Jenny on the red carpet and grab her ass while she was talking to Ryan Seacrest. Way to turn the tables on ol’ ass-grabbin’ Aunt Jenny!
Later on, both of them brought the sassy aunt realness in their own sassy aunt way. Reese pulled a bunch of faces and stuck her tongue out backstage after she presented the award for Best Makeup and Hairstyling, and Jennifer photobombed Jennifer Lopez. Then I like to think they met backstage after Neil Patrick Harris introduced Jennifer and David Oyelowo by cracking a joke about them being getting snubbed so Laura Jeanne could give her a hug and say “Fuck it girl, you know you’re my sunshine.”
You know, in a perfect world, the Oscars would ditch the boring hour-long red carpet and replace it with a live stream of Aunt Jenny and Aunt Laura Jeanne’s ride to the ceremony. That’s the pre-show I legit would love to see: Aunt Jenny and Aunt Laura Jeanne chugging from a bottle of Boone’s Farm and laugh-singing along to “Uptown Funk” as they attempt to drunkenly spray Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs on each other.
Here’s more of Fun Aunt Laura Jeanne mentally counting down the minutes till she can get her dance on, as well as Fun Aunt Jenny hugging everyone she can throw her arms around last night, which included Emma Stone, her hot piece Justin Theroux, and Matt Lauer: