Good news for those of you who are sick of your legs suffocating in an extra tight jeggings cocoon. The time has come for you to set your legs free and let them swim in a vast ocean of denim. Because JNCO Jeans are coming back! “YAAAAAASSSSSS,” screamed the manufacturers of hip replacement parts who know they’re going to push a lot of product thanks to us old bitches breaking our hips from tripping on our baggy JNCO jeans while trying to relive the glory days.
In case you couldn’t already tell from Suge Knight killing people and Missy Elliott being back on our TV screens, the 90s really are here again and so JNCO Jeans knows it’s the right time for its long-awaited comeback. JNCO was a popular clothing brand in the 90s and they made these gigantic tent jeans that ravers loved. WWD (via HuffPo) says that this week, JNCO announced their grand return at a trade show in Las Vegas. Thanks to the help of a Chinese investor, they are relaunching this fall with a bunch of styles including their signature tree trunk leg jeans. But they said that their ultra wide legs jeans won’t be as wide as they were in the 90s. They will be 23 inches wide instead of 50 inches. Still, Jon Hamm will finally be able to buy jeans that will perfectly fit the Hammaconda.
I was a wannabe raver in the late 90s for about 30 minutes and I just could never bring myself to wear JNCO Jeans. All of my raver friends tried to get me to wear them by telling me they were so comfortable and so easy to dance in. Please. Those candied crackheads only wore them because it gave them more hiding places for their drugs and they could fit an entire carton of orange juice in those pockets that were bigger than an elephant’s cooch. They weren’t for me, but I will say that there was something elegant and dainty about them. Some ravers would pick up their JNCO jeans to walk and when they did they looked like a refined Victorian lady slightly lifting the skirt of her dress to delicately walk across a small puddle so that her hem doesn’t get dirty.
With that being said, I didn’t fuck with JNCO jeans then and I’m not going to fuck with them now. But if you’re into it, then slip on some JNCO jeans, pop some E and I’ll give you a glow stick show as we both bounce to this:
Pic: The Roosevelts