Hot Slut Of The Day!

The busted Blooming Lion flower arrangement from 1-800-Flowers!

If 1-800-Flowers keeps up the fuck effort foolery, February 15th will officially be declared National Yell At 1-800-Flowers For Ruining Your Valentine’s Day Day. As Yahoo and The Daily Mail point out, dozens of customers bitched at 1-800-Flowers on Facebook and Twitter for delivering some flowers that looked like they were stolen from somebody’s grave and ran over by a pick-up truck. Customer after customer posted a picture of the dead, frozen, dried out or janky flowers their loved ones got. Flowers looking like Kunty Karl touched them with his ice cold claw of death.

The 1-800-Flowers Disaster of 2015 is basically an encore performance of The 1-800-Flowers Disaster of 2014. This happened last year too. 1-800-Flowers said in a statement to Today that they’re “obsessed” with pleasing their customers, and they probably wrote that statement while making a new flower arrangement for a customer using dead flowers they got from a funeral home’s dumpster:

“If a customer is not completely satisfied with their order, our caring team obsessed with service will redeliver, refund, credit or offer a comparable exchange.”

Some of the jacked up flowers can probably be blamed on the shipping company since they were frozen or dried out, but my favorite one cannot be.

The “real” Blooming Lion bouquet is a thing of beauty. The picture on the left from 1-800-Flowers’ site is you on Friday at 6pm and the “real” one from a customer is you on Monday morning. If you showed the picture on the left to a drunk, half-blind T-Rex and asked it to recreate it, the picture on the right is what it would come up with. That gorgeous arrangement was made with carnations, Dollar Tree googly eyes, a black pipe cleaner and a whole lot of derp. It may not be the King of the Jungle, but it is the King of My Heart.

Pics: Facebook, Twitter