Jack White Wants Everyone To Know That He’s Not A Guacamole Diva

February 16, 2015 / Posted by:

A couple of weeks ago, the University of Oklahoma hosted a Jack White show and before the show, the university newspaper, OU Daily, decided to print his contract and tour rider. The contract said that Jack White will make $80,000 or 90% of ticket sales (whichever is more) and his tour rider made it clear that he must have fresh guacamole made exactly to his specifications. On the rider was a recipe for Jack White’s guacamole, and yup, he likes it chunky. It didn’t seem that weird to me, because it’s not like his ass was asking for a new toilet or no brown M&Ms, but it got Jack White mad. During the show, Jack White slapped at OU Daily and he wasn’t done. Yesterday, he shat up a four million word rant against the media and their shameless click-bait tactics. Jack White might not be serious about his guac, but he’s serious about hos saying he’s serious about his guac.

In an open letter on his site titled “For God Sakes!“, Jack spits at journalists for not doing their research and for making him sound like a delicate diva who will shank an assistant in the neck if his guac doesn’t have the right amount of cilantro in it. Jack says that the guacamole thing is an inside joke and the media shouldn’t ever publish riders, because they obviously don’t understand them. Jack White is the anti-Kanye West, because his entire rant is in lower case. He’s the E.E. Cummings of guacamole ranters. Here’s a few paragraphs of his open letter.

even in the age of the short attention span internet article, it’s still hard to believe you are STILL writing about this:

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thesalt/2015/02/15/386409331/for-musician-jack-white-any-old-guacamole-just-wont-do

wow. classy.

even in the age of the short attention span internet article, it’s still hard to believe you are STILL writing about this. wow. classy. seems like there’s a new rule number one for up and coming journalists: dont let the facts get in the way of click bait.

at the risk of incurring even more of this hoo haa (and i’ve definitely turned my cheek more than once lately) and even though our management sent out a letter to clarify this, and since this seems to be all anyone can ask me about lately, here’s the real deal, and hopefully it’ll explain this nonsensical scenario and we can move on with our lives. (or what have you).

first off, this is none of your business, but i have no specific demands in my dressing room. i know i could ask for lots of things but i actually dont ask for ANYTHING. i take with me what i need, and that aint much. anything on the rider is for the band and the crew. this “guacamole recipe” is my hilarious tour managers inside joke with the local promoters, it’s his recipe, not mine. it’s just something to break up the boredom, seeing who can make it best. though i wouldn’t know because i’ve never had it. i can’t even make kool aid let alone cook any real food enough to have a “recipe”. sorry, i dont have that talent.

Jack White went on to drag OU Daily for pulling some TMZ shit and he also admitted that his booking agent told the university that other acts might not do shows there because of the rider leak.

Damn. All this over a leaked guacamole recipe. The power of guacamole is undeniable! Jack White is probably pissed, because now his guacamole recipe (which is a pretty standard guacamole recipe) is out there and his plans to jar it up and sell it on QVC have been crushed. I know the only thing you care about is Jack White’s guacamole recipe, so here it is. There’s probably been a change to it, though. Instead of Serrano peppers, the recipe now calls for the blood of an OU Daily writer.

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