Since Madge knows sex and knows erotica, Billboard asked her if she’s spent any time with the Fifty Shades of Shit book. Madge has read it and reading it felt like reading a book on how to grow hydrangeas. It did nothing for her. That shit is preschool playground stuff to her. Madge says that book is for virgins, and it’s also really unrealistic, because according to her, Christian Grey spends way too much time with a mouthful of Steele poon.
Yes, I have. It’s pulp fiction. It’s not very sexy, maybe for someone who has never had sex before. I kept waiting for something exciting and crazy to happen in that red room thing, and I was like, “Hmm, a lot of spanking.” I also thought, “This is so unrealistic because no guy goes down on a girl that much.” I’m sorry, but no one eats pussy as much as the guy in that book.
Yes, because a piece of Twilight fanfiction about a 27-year-old self-made billionaire who gets into a sex contract with a 21-year-old college newspaper writer who says “crap” all the time is supposed to be as realistic as possible. I don’t know how much pussy Christian Grey eats in that book and I also don’t know if Madge is right about dudes not licking the box a lot. But my guess is that many of her boy toys don’t go down on her all the time because they heard a tale during their travels. They heard that when you go down on Madonna, her muscled-up labia lips grab onto your tongue and as you scream, her powerful cooch sucks in your soul and youth. That’s probably why. But seriously, how can dudes eat Madge’s pussy when they’ve got a ball gag stuffed in their mouth and she’s pegging them?
Pic: V Magazine