Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 13, 2015 / Posted by:

Sir John Michael, Oklahoma’s greatest citizen and possibly the reincarnation of Plato. I don’t know why I said “possibly.” Sir John Michael IS the reincarnation of Plato, obviously.

2015 FINALLY got its first Kai the Hatchet-Wielder and Sweet Brown. Sir John Michael is an actual sir. He was knighted by THE QUEEN ten years ago for his contribution to fashion, charisma and stoner philosophy. (Yes, I pulled that “fact” out of the Encyclopedia of My Ass, but if you look it up in other encyclopedias, I’m sure you’ll find that it’s true.) Sir John Michael lives in a school bus castle deep in an enchanted forest in Oklahoma County where he rules over his loyal subjects (read: squirrels, possums, etc…). One day, the police were called to Sir John Michael’s kingdom after someone reported hearing gunshots. It wasn’t gunshots. It was just Sir John busting his window out after getting frustrated while working on his chariot (read: his car).

Not only did the police discover a magical poet (aka Sir John Michael), but their noses discovered the scent of the good shit. They found 50 marijuana plants and bags of weed in a house on the property. You might be looking at that picture and thinking to yourself that any grown man who dresses like that must be smoking some serious stuff, but if you think that then you obviously don’t watch Downton Abbey. Because that’s how all regal lords dress. The weed didn’t belong to Sir John, it belonged to his landlord. Sir John’s landlord, David Mason, was put into handcuffs and all that beautiful weed went to the police station with him.

News9 (via Mediaite) talked to Sir John and magic was made. Sir John usually strolls around his property completely naked, because it’s his gift to the sun and sky, but he dressed up real fancy in chonies and ladies leggings for his interview with News9 and he brought along his opulent scepter. Sir John’s fashion-forward ensemble is everything Kanye wishes he would’ve designed for Adidas.

But Sir John is much, much more than his hot outfit and golden ponytail. He’s a human fountain of wisdom and poetry. Case in point:

“I saw the police helicopter circling around very low, and last week they were doing the same thing, because I was laying out nude. I thought they were looking at me.”

“If life gives you lemons, fuck life.”

“I guess they called back up. I heard some sirens and through the forest to the west a half a dozen guys with their guns drawn on me said ‘Put down the gun,’ and I was twirling my ponytail.”

And here’s Sir John in motion. FYI: That reporter later quit her job and became one of Sir John’s disciples.

Sir John is like a Game of Thrones character if Game of Thrones was created by Kevin Smith. I don’t know whether to fall in love or worship at his feet, or both!

(For Michelle)

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