January’s Hot Slut Of The Month Is Bart The Zombie Cat!

February 11, 2015 / Posted by:

The first Hot Slut of the Month of 2015 has been crowned (and that crown will go perfectly with his plastic Elizabethan collar). Bart, the cat who was written off as dead and later pawed his way out of his grave, is our new HSOTM. We’re calling him Dlisted’s Mister January today, but soon we’ll all call him our overlord when he gets his revenge on humanity for burying him alive. Bart got a little over 35% of your votes and beat out the Hot Slut of My Life Cookie Lyon (28.23%), Ernest Moniz (18.95%) and Dave The Dancing Freak Machine (17.41%). Bart will be back next year to battle it out for Hot Slut of 2015. Thanks to everyone who voted. And now for a Bart update…

If you don’t already know, Bart’s story went viral when he crawled his way back to life 5 days after he was declared dead by his human and his human’s neighbor. Bart was hit by a car and his human and a neighbor figured he was dead. They didn’t take him to the vet to make sure. RUDE! They buried him and didn’t expect to ever see him again. Since Pet Semetery was a documentary and taught us that cats can come back from the dead, Bart was found alive in the yard days later. Bart’s human, Ellis Hutson, took him to the Humane Society of Tampa Bay where he was treated for a busted eye (which he lost) and other injuries. Ellis Hutson can’t afford to pay the vet bills, so the Humane Society isn’t charging him. They’re also refusing to give Bart back. This is where it becomes some Losing Isaiah shit.

The Humane Society of Tampa Bay’s director isn’t sure if Ellis is the right human to take care of Bart since he buried the cat without consulting a vet first. The director believes Bart was “knowingly buried alive” and also has other concerns. So Ellis is suing them and has accused them of using Bart for publicity and to raise more money. Ellis told ABC Action News:

“If we have to go to court, we have to go to court. If we have to go to court, we have to go to court.”

Okay, but Ellis’ neighbor started a GoFundMe page to supposedly pay for Bart’s medical expenses and I don’t really understand that since the Humane Society already said that they’re covering that shit. Ellis might be thinking that Bart is going to be the next Grumpy Cat. Whatever, Bart doesn’t need Ellis Hutson anymore. I’m sure once Bart gets 100% better, he’ll bust out of the Humane Society and take a Peter Pan bus to Hollywood to star in a reboot of Pet Semetary! It was the role he was born and died and born again to play. Now that he’s won the title of Hot Slut of the Month he can do anything! Or he’ll be forever embarrassed and get revenge on all of us. Either or.

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