Justin Bieber Says He Couldn’t Complete Any Of His Community Service Because He Busted His Foot Playing Soccer
When itchy butthole Justin Bieber was caught egging his neighbor’s house like a punk toddler back in January of 2014, he was sentenced to 12 anger management classes, 5 days of picking up trash and cleaning up graffiti, and paying $80,900 in damages. He has currently completed 9 out of the 12 anger management classes and paid the cash, but he hasn’t done anything about his community service. My guess is because he was too busy shooting diaper commercials and/or he thought he was too good for picking up trash (ironic, really). But according to his lawyer Shawn Holley, it’s because baby had an owie on one of his feetsies that prevented him from getting it done.
TMZ says Shawn Holley spent Tuesday morning in court crying on behalf of her client and explaining to the judge that Justin suffered a foot injury during a soccer game while he was on vacation in Turks and Caicos last month. That sound you just heard was every dad type yelling from the garage “So? Your hands still work, don’t they? Quit your bellyaching and start picking up that trash.”
But technically it might be the truth. Last month, Justin posted a picture of a busted bruised foot to his Shots account. I’ve hidden it after the cut, because it looks like Frankenstein’s boner after taking an expired Cialis (aka weird and gross):
Shawn also brought along a note from Justin’s probation officer that says he “has displayed a cooperative attitude and has expressed a sincere desire to be more diligent in complete anger management and community labor“. No word on whether or not that note was written in red crayon and signed XO JUSTIN BIEBER’S PROBASHUN OFFISER.
Hmmm…I’m still not sure if his foot is broken-broken or “broken”, but it doesn’t matter, because lawyer to the stars Shawn Holley will make it go away! Shawn Holley should be marketing herself as a legal specialist in the field of saying ‘fuck it’ to court-mandated community service, because bitch is a pro at bullshit excuses. First she tells a judge that Lindsay Lohan couldn’t complete her community service because she was stuck in the hospital with a case of Chikungunya, and now she’s trying to convince a judge that Justin Bieber couldn’t complete his community service because he’s got a busted foot? God, where was Shawn Holley when I needed to get out math tests in high school?