Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 10, 2015 / Posted by:

The “don’t give a fuck” hawk who crashed through a Redditor’s window, had a scat party for one and then threw a condescending, “YAAAAS, BITCH, YAAAAAS,” look as the police (read: animal control) took him away. 

Redditor hewlandrower told a harrowing story last week (via Uproxx) about how a turnt up hawk busted into his house unannounced, jacked up his bedroom and shit all over place. During all the chaos, his pants somehow came off. I’m talking about Drew, not the hawk. The hawk was naked the entire time. This whole thing sounds like a Tinder hook-up gone wrong. Or gone right depending how much of a freak you are. When other Redditors threw him a “Sure, Jan” look, he coughed up pictures, a video and a more detailed description of what exactly went down.

This asshole flew through two panes of glass. Shook it off. Destroyed my bedroom. Shit on everything he destroyed, and then had the audacity to smile at me as he was being escorted from the premises.

I was home when he crashed through the window. I had gotten out of bed probably 30 minutes earlier and had just put my corgi out. I thought a tree had fallen through my window or someone was trying to break in (I have bars on the back of my house but not the front). So I got up to go see what was up, saw a bird sitting on my rug looking dazed and confused, slammed the door shut, said “WHAT THE FUCK,” and then called my dad and animal control. It took them about 45 minutes to get to my house and haul him off.

It was probably just a simple misunderstanding. That hawk got addresses mixed up, that’s all. It was responding to ad on the Casual Encounters for Hawks section of Craigslist that read: “Come over, scat all over the place and get messy. NSA only. PNP welcome.

The best part are the pictures. That hawk knows how to give FACE! If you’ve ever wondered what your coked up ass looks like when the fluorescent lights are turned on at the club at closing time, just look at the picture above. Hewlandrower didn’t say if animal control released the hawk back into the wild… But I did read on TMZ this morning about how the police were called to the Chateau Marmont after guests complained of crashing noises and a poop scent coming from a room. Either Lindsay Lohan is in town or this party down hawk has hit West Hollywood.

And I leave you with another picture of my new favorite hawk recreating Madonna’s street writhing moves from the Burning Up video.

hsotdhawk2015

Rawk out with your hawk out!

Pics: Imgur

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