A thousand “…..and I’m still single and can’t get a man” jokes were born over a year ago when a 20-something crazy-brained mess named Star Burton (born name: Afton Elaine Burton) told everyone that she was marrying evil incarnate Charles Manson. Well, the wedding isn’t going to happen, because the dark-sided demon found out that she just wants to get her hands on his body and not in the way that he wants. Star isn’t only a gold digger, she’s a corpse digger.
The New York Post says that journalist Daniel Simone discovered that Star and her friend Craig Hammond were scheming to get 80-year-old Charles Manson’s dead body. Star and Craig planned to put his corpse in a glass crypt and display it for the sick fucks and emo teens who’d pay to see it. They were hoping it would be California’s version of Lenin’s Tomb. They were going to call it Manson Mania and hoped it would make them rich. Sadly, Star and Craig won’t be on an episode of Shark Tank where they’ll ask the sharks to invest $100,000 for 10% ownership in their American Horror Story-like business venture, because Charles Manson found out about their schemes.
Daniel Simone says that Star and Craig came up with the plan two years ago and asked Charles Manson to sign over their dead body to them. Charles Manson doesn’t think he’s going to die, but he played along anyway and kept them around because they brought him shit. When Star and Craig realized that Manson wasn’t going to give up the rights to his dead body, they went to plan b. Star planned to marry Charles Manson because as his wife she’d get control of his corpse when he finally dies. Star and Manson’s marriage license expired last week and even though she says they’re going to renew it, Daniel says that’s not going to happen:
“He’s finally realized that he’s been played for a fool. He feels he will never die. Therefore, he feels it’s a stupid idea to begin with. Manson never consented to the wedding in the first place and never will.”
If I was related to this Star mess, I’d be phewing like nobody has phew’d before. I mean, marrying a Satanic psychopath because you want to stuff his body and display it as a tourist attraction for money is insane, but it’s also entrepreneurial, and isn’t that what this country is about? But marrying Charles Manson because you love him is a type of crazy that hasn’t even been invented yet. I mean, bitch is still beyond crazy, but she’s not totally beyond crazy.