By that way, that Umlaut-topped O in Motörhead is also what everyone’s face looks like when they see the piping hot members of your mom’s favorite English rock band from the 70s. The O is your mouth opening wide to suck in all their hotness. They are everything Johnny Depp wishes he could be, but will never be.
The Grammys are tonight and if you live in the land of the past (aka the West Coast) like I do you’re probably cursing out those West Coast-hating bitches at CBS and the Grammys for once again not airing this mess live for us. It takes place in L.A., but we can’t see that shit live. How dreadful. CBS and the Grammys continue to be highly prejudiced against the West Coast. Everyone else gets to tear the Grammys apart and when it finally gets to us on the West Coast, we’ll have to pick at whatever meat is left on that carcass. The red carpet already started or I’d find a way to smuggle myself into the show in Ryan Seacrest’s stacked heels. I’ll have to settle for a live stream.
So here’s your Open Post and I hope you’re stretching out your eyeballs, because they will roll until their nerves go numb if Igloo Australia win Best Rap Album and they’ll probably roll out the door and into the gutter if Meghan Trainor wins anything. Mine are already pretty sore from rolling while watching E’s Giuliana Rancic introduce the new Clutch Cam, which has replaced the annoying Mani Cam. Yes, the Clutch Cam is a great idea, because celebwhores really want to let go of the purse that’s holding their prized possessions of the night (an 8-ball, a blunt, a morning-after pill and a penicillin shot just in case John Mayer hugs them).
UPDATE: Iggy Azalea did not win Best Rap Album (Eminem did), so this Grammys Open Post does not have to turn into an Apocalypse Open Post. Call off the locusts!