Things My Eyes Never Want To See Again: Justin Bieber Pretending To Make-Out With Ellen DeGeneres

February 6, 2015 / Posted by:

But only because I get the creeps from seeing people get with the older versions of themselves, Quantum Leap-style. Also because I can’t stop thinking about all the weird dirty daycare viruses Ellen DeGeneres picked up from being in such close contact with perpetually runny-nosed toddler Justin Bieber.

Regardless, the Justin Bieber “I’m A Good Boy Now” Apology Tour made another stop at Ellen, and while there he and Ellen surprised some unsuspecting women by hiding out in a stall and pretending to be shocked when they were “caught” making out. I don’t know if they give out awards for pranking, but I’d like to nominate Justin and Ellen for the highest honor, because I truly cannot think of anything more traumatizing than accidentally walking in on that swaggy preteen hamster awkwardly putting his tiny hands on an adult woman.

I have no clue why Justin was on Ellen this week, besides trying for the 1,984th time to convince us that he’s no longer a throbbing dick cyst. Remember when he released that weird video of himself crying about how he’s not going to anything that might put him in the time-out chair anymore? No? Well, good news – here he is reciting it pretty much word for word for Ellen:

Raise your hand if as you were watching Jusin Bieber push out a pouty “I’m Sowwy”, you had a flashback to any episode of Full House where Michelle is forced to apologize for something. I could practically hear Danny and Uncle Jesse saying “Now, Michelle…” as that sad learning-a-lesson sitcom music played in the background.

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