Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 6, 2015 / Posted by:

Riunite, the world’s best-loved imported wine!

If you’re a refined wine connoisseur like me and only allow the best of the sweet nectars to touch your tongue, then you definitely know what Riunite is and regularly ask your in-house sommelier to stock your wine cellar with it (aka you buy it at Walgreens along with a bag of Doritos and always keep a bottle in your garage refrigerator). Riunite is the refined gentleman’s answer to Cisco. I know what Riunite is, but I’ve never seen its commercials from the 80s until reader Kerry sent me one yesterday and asked me if I remember it. I don’t remember the commercials and I don’t think I’ve ever seen one, but I’m glad that I’ve been enlightened and educated.

This whole time I’ve been pronouncing Riunite as “ree-yoo-night” and I learned that it’s actually pronounced “ree-yoo-knee-tee.” I should’ve known that Ree-Yoo-Knee-Tee is a fancy bitch like that. Riunite is your cousin Andrea who swears to you that her name is supposed to be pronounced “on-dray-uh.” Pronouncing Riunite the way it’s supposed to be pronounced makes the tip of my tongue feel like it just touched Alexis Carrington’s diamond nipple ring. It feels that luxurious.

Riunite’s commercial from the 80s let you know that you should enjoy Riunite with everything from tacos to burgers to fried chicken. Riunite on ice is perfect with anything and you should just drink it all day. This is my kind of commercial. I’m surprised the entire water industry didn’t collapse in the 80s from people quenching their thirst with Riunite instead of water.

I’m sure Riunite is also the perfect beverage to rinse your mouth out with after you get the barfs from drinking Riunite all damn day. Riunite and vomit goes nice with Riunite on ice!

Bonus: Here’s another Riunite ad from the 70s starring La Lucci. She really should’ve won her first Emmy for this riveting performance in this creepy ass commercial:

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