Well, if by that they mean it looks like the kind of low-budget mess you’d download by mistake and shamefully fap/tap to on a lonely Tuesday night, then yes, I guess you could say it’s porny. And if you live in Malaysia, it sounds like that’s the only way you’ll be able to enjoy Fifty Shades of Grey, because the pearl-clutching prudes who run the Malaysian Film Censorship Board have deemed it too rude and lewd for Malaysian eyes. According to Malaysia’s The Star (via People), MFCB Chairman Datuk Abdul Halim Abdul Hamid describes the film as being more “pornography than a movie” and therefore it’s too nasty to show in Malaysian cinemas. Chairman DAHAH says:
“The board made a decision in view of the film containing scenes that are not of natural sexual content. The content is more sadistic, featuring scenes of a woman being tied to a bed and whipped.”
He’s half right – sex isn’t normally so goddamn boring. And when he says the content is “more sadistic”, I assume he’s talking about the sadistic ear torture he suffered from listening to that god-awful dialogue. But does he really think that seeing Melanie Griffith’s daughter getting a paddlin’ from a soft-spoken Irish dude is crossing a line? The people of Malaysia invented a pizza crust that looks like a weeping anus; I think their eyes can handle some tepid spanking.
And I’m sure that being forced to sit through that crap made Chairman DAHAH curse out his choices in life, but he should just be thankful that he got stuck reviewing Fifty Shades of Snooze and not that narcolepsy-triggering Q&A video Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson recently filmed for Glamour.
Here’s Jamie Dornan arriving at JFK airport earlier today. Damn, Christian Grey looks fine with a beard.