Giovanni Ribisi and Agyness Deyn Are Over

February 3, 2015 / Posted by:

In case you forgot, Giovanni Ribisi and Agyness Deyn, the British model that the fashion industry tried to pass off as the next Kate Moss before Cara Delawhatever came along, were married. Well, soon they won’t be married anymore, because they are done with being married to each other. I guess sometimes a famous-ish couple has to break up to remind you that they were together in the first place.

40-year-old Giovanni Ribisi and 31-year-old Agyness Deyn (born name: Laura Michelle Hollins) SHOCKED THE WORLD (not really) in 2012 when they became random’s favorite couple at the time by getting married out of nowhere. Giovanni is a born-and-raised Scientologist, so I was hoping they’d sell their wedding pictures to Freedom Magazine. Because the b-holes of my body Thetans would tingle seeing David Miscavige in an alien mask marry Giovanni and Agyness as John Travolta sprinkled barley over them while twirling around as Tommy Girl hummed the theme song to Close Encounters of the Third Kind (that’s tradition at a Scientology wedding, right?). But Giovanni and Agyness didn’t release any wedding pictures and after they were married, they continued to live like quiet Scientology hipsters in L.A.

People says that Giovanni filed for divorce this month and blamed “irreconcilable differences” as the reason why his marriage ate dust. Giovanni said in the divorce papers that they broke up on December 28, 2014. Since they are oh-so-private, People didn’t say why they broke up, but I’m guessing that Giovanni knew it was over when right before Agyness was supposed to go through a 19-hour brainwashing session at the Scientology Centre, she excused herself to go to the bathroom and was seen crawling out of the window and running down the lawn toward the street while screaming, “Get me away from those crazy bitches!

It’s not like I have to type the names Giovanni Ribisi and Agyness Deyn all the time, but this divorce means that I may not have to type those names together ever again. That’s good news for me, because typing the names Giovanni Ribisi and Agyness Deyn without copy + pasting or checking is mentally and physically exhausting. That shit should be an SAT problem.

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