20-year-old Conrad Hilton achieved the impossible. He has made his sister Parasite Hilton and his brother Barron Hilton (aka the one who crime boss Lindsay Lohan ordered a beat down on) look like reasonable and humble citizens of humanity who actually care about others. When someone achieves that, we as members of humanity should be able to band together and strap that asshole to a rocket headed to another planet. Actually, we wouldn’t want to do that, because then the aliens of that planet would declare war on us for sending them a Hilton.
TMZ says that last July, Conrad gave the passengers on a British Airways flight from London to Los Angeles a real spoiled brat show when he went crazy and mouth shat up corroded dingles of delusion at the flight attendants. Witnesses tell TMZ that Conrad punched the bulkhead of the plane, just inches from a flight attendant’s head, and yelled out some shit that King Joffrey would yell out if he was a modern day trust fund ass tampon. Conrad allegedly screamed these words at the flight attendants.
– “If you wanna square up to me bro, then bring it and I will fucking fight you.”
— “I am going to fucking kill you.”
— “I will fucking rip through you.”
— “I will fucking own anyone on this flight; they are fucking peasants.”
Surprisingly, the peasants didn’t declare the plane a democracy and vote to kick Conrad off. But if they did that, he would’ve just floated safely to the ground since his head is full of hot air. A witness also says that at one point Conrad grabbed a flight attendant’s shirt and screamed, “I could get you all fired in 5 minutes. I know your boss! My father will pay this out. He has done it before. Dad paid $300k last time.” Children were apparently crying. People also smelled weed coming from the bathroom and blamed it on Conrad.
When Conrad’s douche reign of terror finally ended and he fell asleep, they handcuffed him to his seat.
I don’t know why we’re just hearing about it now, but he was eventually arrested and now Robert Shapiro (yes, that Robert Shapiro) is representing him. Shapiro argues that Conrad took a sleeping pill before the flight and it had “adverse effects” on him. Yeah, nice try, but Ambien and the good shit aren’t to blame. Conrad was just naturally born with the a-hole gene. He’s a Hilton. But seriously, I’m actually surprised that the flight attendants didn’t get on their knees and beg for their jobs, because nothing says big, bad powerful man like threatening to tell daddy.