Archives: February 2015

ScarJo Doesn’t Think There’s Anything Creepy Or Inappropriate About John Travolta

February 27, 2015 / Posted by:

ScarJo is spitting at the media for taking a sweet moment at the Oscars and turning it into some creepified shit straight from the mind of Rod Serling. On Oscar night, John Travolta’s hands were hungry for some lady and when he wasn’t grabbing and kissing on ScarJo, he was giving Idina Menzel a palm facial. Travolta’s rep already said that the weird face massage was “rehearsed,” and now ScarJo is coming to his defense nearly a week later. I know, I shouldn’t give ScarJo shit for waiting almost 5 days to say something. She was probably busy rinsing her head out with an Ajax and bleach solution to rid herself of the memory of John Travolta groping her like she was a giant E-meter can.

ScarJo fave this statement to the Associated Press:

“There is nothing strange, creepy or inappropriate about John Travolta. The image that is circulating is an unfortunate still-frame from a live-action encounter that was very sweet and totally welcome. That still photo does not reflect what preceded and followed if you see the moment live. Yet another way we are misguided, misinformed and sensationalized by the 24-hour news cycle. I haven’t seen John in some years and it is always a pleasure to be greeted by him.”

If I could box up agurl, please” provided by Aunt Bunny and send it to ScarJo, I would. ScarJo has let Sean Penn run his barbecued Chick-O-Stick dick up in her several times, she’s been out in public with Sean Penn and to remind you again, she let Sean Penn run his barbecued Chick-O-Stick dick up in her several times. Her judgement of character can’t be trusted. If she says someone isn’t strange, creepy or inappropriate, they probably are strange, creepy and inappropriate.

But ScarJo does have a point. Her close encounter with the wigged kind isn’t as creepy in the video:

See, not as creepy. John Travolta just runs up to ScarJo, presses his lips against her face and tries to suck out her soul through her pores. When he realizes that she’s empty inside, he moves onto his next victim. Not creepy at all! Just a regular old Hollywood greeting.

And here’s ScarJo with her baby and husband, who looks like an extra from Valley Girl, in L.A. yesterday:

Pics: FameFlynet, Getty

Madonna’s Fall At The BRIT Awards Gave Her A Case Of Whiplash

February 27, 2015 / Posted by:

When Madonna’s cape pulled an En Vogue and got all “Don’t Let Go” on her neck during her performance of “Living For Love” at the BRIT Awards on Wednesday, I figured the only damage done would be to her inbox. You know, after it blew up with emails from personal injury lawyers inquiring about her recent workplace slip and fall accident. I trusted that Madonna’s creaky granny bones and butt organs would be protected by her rock-hard ass muscles and she’d walk away without a scratch.

As it turns out, I was totally wrong. Madonna might have fallen, and she might have been able to get up, but she suffered some whiplash on the way down. Don’t worry, I’m sure there’s already a meme of Madonna getting slapped by J.K. Simmons as we speak. Madonna explained the aftermath of her Grape Stomping Lady moment to The Jonathan Ross Show on Thursday (via Billboard), saying:

“I had a little bit of whiplash, I smacked the back of my head. And I had a man standing over me with a flashlight until about 3 a.m. to make sure I was compos mentis.”

She also said she’s sworn off capes in the future. Good call – I think if we’ve learned anything from this, it’s that capes ain’t nothing but trouble.

I still can’t believe Madonna got back up and kept singing after hitting her head. Bitch is brave as hell! If I even so much as stub my toe, I’m on the ground wailing for someone to call the paramedics while mentally preparing a funeral for my toe, which will no doubt need to be amputated. Something nice, not too fancy; it’s what my toe would have wanted.

Here’s Madonna one day after Madonna pulled a Scarlet wearing a pair of shoes that look like she’s about 2 seconds away from a repeat performance:

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

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Prince Hot Ginge Is Probably Going To Leave The Army

February 27, 2015 / Posted by:

The London Evening Standard says at the end of this year, Prince Hot Ginge will turn in his I QUIT THIS BITCH papers into the British Army to focus on doing charity work. Sadly, that means that PHG (or “Captain Hot Ginge” as he’s know in the military) won’t be promoted all the way up to the head of the Knights of the Round Table. They still have that in Britain, right?

Before Captain Hot Ginge takes his final bow as an active member of the army, he’s going to serve with units in Australia for a few weeks. (Side note: When I read that part on The London Evening Standard, I read it as “serve units Down Under” and it nearly made me move to Australia STAT.) A spokeswhore for Kensington Palace wouldn’t confirm that Captain Hot Ginge is retiring from the army and only had this to say:

“Prince Harry is currently focused on his work supporting the Ministry of Defence’s recovery capability programme to ensure those who are wounded, injured or sick have appropriate recovery plans and the necessary support they require. It’s a natural progression from the work he did organising the Invictus Games. This involves working alongside case officers in London District’s personal recovery unit and visiting various recovery centres and partner agencies (such as forces charities and the NHS) around the country.”

Some source says that after doing two tours of duty in Afghanistan, PHG feels like it’s time to move on. He wants to travel to Africa more to do conservation stuff and work with his AIDS charity, and also wants to work more with wounded veterans. A Dlisted source who goes by the name Wishful Thinking exclusively tells me that he also wants to focus on his new charity GISODAG (Gingers In Support Of Desperate Ass Gays), which connects British ginger royals named Harry with hard-up, desperate American skinny fat gay bloggers in need.

But seriously, this is unacceptable and his resignation letter needs to be torn up immediately. If Captain Hot Ginge quits the army, we won’t get as many hot pictures of him in his uniform and we’ll no longer get pictures like this:

phgleavingarmy1

Why is he being so selfish?! Doesn’t he know that what the world needs now is more picture of him kicking a ball while topless in the desert?

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

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Kelly Clarkson Says She Will Deny Her Daughter One Of Cinema’s Greatest Gifts To Humanity

February 27, 2015 / Posted by:

File this under the No. 1 reason people probably don’t want to work with Kelly Clarkson: during an interview with TIME about her new album Piece by Piece, Kelly was asked at what age she would introduce her daughter River Rose to the cinematic masterpiece that is the 2003 film From Justin to Kelly. Kelly’s response SHOULD have been “As soon as possible” or “Duh, I had my OB-GYN throw an iPad up my cooch while I was pregnant so she could watch that shit in-utero”. But Kelly Clarkson clearly has no appreciation for good taste and/or cargo shorts, because her answer was this:

TIME: At what age will you sit River Rose down and tell her about From Justin to Kelly?
Kelly Clarkson: Never! We don’t have to show her that!

TIME: You’re going to pretend it doesn’t exist?
Kelly Clarkson: That’s what I do. So why not?

TIME: It could be a cult movie classic, you just have to give it a few more years.
Kelly Clarkson: Oh my God, I hope not. I just want it to go away. I want to own all of it. I just want it to not be here.

NOOOOOOOOO KELLY CLARKSON - take it back take it back TAKE IT BACK! From Justin to Kelly is one of the finest pieces of so-bad-its-good fuckery to ever grace humanity’s eyeballs. Your baby should know about From Justin to Kelly, Kelly. Your baby should know as soon as her eyes start recognizing shapes and colors. Although even then, she’ll still probably be looking at Justin Guarini’s hair and thinking “WTF am I even looking at?

Leonard Nimoy Has Died

February 27, 2015 / Posted by:

My eyebrows just frowned and I don’t think they’ll ever be the same again. The New York Times reports that Leonard Nimoy has been beamed up to heaven. Leonard’s wife, Susan Bey Nimoy, says that he died at his home in Bel Air this morning from end-stage chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. The original Spock tweeted last year that he had COPD and got it from years and years of smoking. He quit smoking almost 30 years ago, but it wasn’t soon enough. He was 83.

Leonard was hospitalized for a little bit at UCLA Medical Center last week after complaining about chest pains. He was released and sent home.

Before Leonard became a pop culture icon as Spock on Star Trek, he acted in dozens of B-movies and guest starred in at least a million TV shows (I’m underestimating, probably) including Dragnet, Get Smart, The Twilight Zone and Perry Mason. Wikipedia says that after 10 years in the acting game, Leonard got the role of Spock in Star Trek. Leonard had to decide between taking Spock or a role in Peyton Place. He obviously chose right, because it made him a star and he was nominated for three Emmy awards. After the Star Trek TV show ended after 3 years (It was only on for 3 years?!), he replaced Martin Landau in Mission: Impossible and stayed with the show for 2 seasons.

When he wasn’t playing Spock in most of the Star Trek movies, he continued to act in TV shows, movies and theater productions. In 2010, Leonard said that he was hanging up his Spock ears for good and said it was time for Zachary Quinto to take over the character, but he continued to play Spock and played Spock Prime in 2013′s Star Trek Into Darkness.

Leonard is survived by his wife Susan Bey Nimoy, their two children, a stepson, a brother, six grandchildren, one great grandchild and of course, his best frenemy forever William Shatner.

Rest in peace, Leonard Nimoy. You lived long and you prospered. You are now in heaven where you’ll never have to perform The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins again (even though the angels are going to demand it because it’s gold).

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David O. Russell Got Into A Dramatic On-Set Screaming Match With His Boo Jennifer Lawrence

February 27, 2015 / Posted by:

Why do I get the feeling that Lily Tomlin read that headline and started screaming “Don’t hold back, Katniss! Whoop that trick, word-style!

According to TMZ, things got all Hunger Games between noted asshole/director David O. Russell and America’s Girlfriend/actress Jennifer Lawrence on the set of the movie Joy on Tuesday. A source on the set says they saw an argument start between David and Jennifer over a scene that progressed into a dramatic cuss-filled screaming match. Surprise surprise, David O. Russell was doing most of the screaming and swearing (I head the O in his name stands for “Oh f#@$% c*!$#“).

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 27, 2015 / Posted by:

THIS DRESS! Because it is the biggest thing to ever happen to civilization in the history of civilization.

I promise, this will be my last post about this goddamn dress (however, at this point, this dress is more famous and relevant than Rita Ora and we still post about her for some reason, so..), which will obviously be Time’s Person of the Year and People Magazine’s Most Intriguing Person of 2015. Surprisingly, the Internet is still standing and we’re all still alive and haven’t burned down this planet while scrapping over the color of this dress. The answer to the most important question of our time “What color IS that dress?” has finally been answered. It’s really black and blue. The mystery has been solved and now humanity can move on to less important issues like starvation, poverty, etc…

The biggest debate in history started when Caitlin McNeill posted it on Tumblr and asked everyone what colors they saw. The picture of the dress was sent to Caitlin by her friends Grace and Keir Johnston, who were getting married. A week before the wedding, Grace’s mom sent a picture of what she was planning to wear on their special day. That’s when the battle began. Grace and Keir saw different colors, so they sent it to Caitlin to see what she saw. Caitlin posted it to Tumblr and history was made.

Caitlin tells Buzzfeed that her band played the wedding, so she saw the dress in person and it is black and blue. The picture on the right is from the site that sells that dress. And yes, the dress has already sold out. Duchess Kate is now wandering the woods in a confused state, because she doesn’t understand how a dress she has never worn could sell out. That dress is still destroying lives and bringing down monarchies.

Today spent a good 3 to 4 minutes talking about this dress (because THIS IS NEWS) this morning and they talked to an eye surgeon who said that it’s a perception issue and because of the shitty lighting and quality of the picture, everyone’s brain processes the colors differently. Wired also got into the science of it all if you care.

Here’s the picture that should end this debate once and for all. It’s a picture of the mother of the bride wearing the dress at the wedding. Their faces have been blurred, because they didn’t mean to be a part of the downfall of humanity. (Or maybe they did and are working for the aliens.)

thatdresshsotd2015

If you still see a white and gold dress, then you’re obviously a deity and should start your own cult.

And the meme circle will be complete when Madonna, while wearing this dress, falls off of a llama during a performance of the Sound of Music with the Left Shark.

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Birthday Sluts

February 27, 2015 / Posted by:

Joanne Woodward (85)
JWoww (29)
Nicole Linkletter (30)
Kate Mara (32)
Josh Groban (34)
Chelsea Clinton (35)
Bobby V (35)
Peter Andre (42)
Li Bingbing (42)
Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas (44)
Donal Logue (49)
Noah Emmerich (50)
Adam Baldwin (53)
Grant Show (53)
Johnny Van Zant (56)
Timothy Spall (58)
Neal Schon (61)
Debra Monk (66)
Ralph Nader (81)

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This Stupid Ass Dress Is Destroying Humanity

February 26, 2015 / Posted by:

By now, you might have blood on your hands from shanking and strangling all the people in your life who see a different colored dress than you.

On Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook and beyond, everyone is fighting over whether the dress in this picture is black and blue or white and gold. The picture was first posted to Tumblr yesterday and today, it’s everywhere and wars have been declared over this shit. If you look outside your window, you’ll probably see your fellow man punching out another one of your fellow men while screaming, “It’s fucking white and gold, you asshole!” When I first saw this picture on Twitter, I clearly saw black and blue. I got up to piss and when I got back, it was white and gold. Since I’m used to the Internet’s tricky ways, I immediately figured it was just a GIF and it was slowly changing to screw with us all. But I checked and it wasn’t a GIF.

It’s apparently not a prank. Buzzfeed says that because of the shitty lighting in the picture, your eyes are trying to compensate and are playing tricks on you. They think it’s actually a white and gold dress, but the crap lighting “casts the whites in a blue tone and mutes the gold to a darker color.” Or maybe it was planted on the Internet by the aliens, because they know that we’re a simple kind of creature who will destroy each other over the colors of a stupid dress. My friend and her husband looked at the picture at the same time on the same screen and she saw white and gold, and he saw black and blue. They’re getting a divorce now. Soon, that dress will look red to all of us, because we’re going to stab our eyeballs from the frustration of it all.

In a few weeks, the last living man on the planet is going to have a seat on a pile of rubble and say to himself, “That damn dress. But it was black and blue.

Can we just stop fighting over the colors of this dress and at least agree that the main color is a bright shade of UGLY AS FUCKING SHIT. Can we at least agree to that?

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