Sam Smith, seen above looking like George Michael fucked Harley Davidson Barbie, is currently nominated for six Grammy awards, one of which is Album of the Year. Sam Smith is up against four other nominees, but as we all know, the only one who counts is her majesty Beyonce. And during an interview with Rolling Stone, he confessed that if the Illuminati were to accidentally write SAM SMITH on the envelope containing the name of the winner of Album of the Year instead of BEYONCE, he would give his Grammy to Beyonce. Yes, Sam Smith is a hard-core member of the Beyhive.
“She deserves it way more than I do. I’d be embarrassed if I got it over her. If I got it, I’d give it to her.”
Meanwhile, in a giant gilded pyramid perched high atop a mountain of money, her majesty Beyonce just whispered to Blue Ivy “Awww, that’s cute – he thinks we live in a world where Beyonce would ever take someone’s sloppy seconds.” Besides, Sam Smith should know that Beyonce would never lose an award to someone not named Beyonce.
And Beyonce’s wasn’t the only ass Sam Smith kissed in Rolling Stone. Sam Smith also saved a couple smooches for Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, Adele, and Justin Bieber:
On being compared to Adele:
“[She’s] my Michael Jackson…we’re very different, and I feel like the constant comparisons might piss her off. It just annoys me that people can’t digest two pop stars singing really personal songs who don’t look like normal pop stars.”
On Lady Gaga being the reason 2015 has a lumberjack version of Rick Astley:
“Without Gaga, I wouldn’t be here right now.”
On Brit Brit being his one set of footprints in the sand:
“Blackout, that’s my favorite Britney album. There’s still some of her there. She was fighting for something. Whatever it was, she was fighting for something. I also love Circus; I love Femme Fatale. I always say to myself, ‘If Britney can make it through 2007, you can make it through this.'”
On drinking nothing but cayenne pepper juice water so he can look like malnourished baby hamster Justin Bieber:
“I just want to lose weight for the Grammys, if I’m honest. I’m just very body-conscious. Sometimes I’m really proud that I don’t look like other pop stars. But there’s also moments where I’m like, ‘Ugh, I wish I had abs like Bieber.'”
I’m sorry, but if Sam Smith was the kind of Beyonce fan who would give Beyonce his Grammy, he would not have been gagging over all those other sub-Beyonce hos. First of all, a true Beyonce fan would have answered every question Rolling Stone asked by saying “Adele WHO? Lady Gaga WHO?” followed by an emoji of prayer hands and the word QUEEN. Second, Justin Bieber’s abs? You should want Beyonce’s abs. And you don’t have to starve yourself on lemon water to get Beyonce’s abs – all you need is a rudimentary understanding of the burn tool in Photoshop.
Finally, if Sam Smith really loved Beyonce, he would have offered her his Rolling Stone cover. Beyonce would have turned it down of course (she’s still waiting for them to change their name to BEYONCE Monthly), but she would have appreciated the gesture.