Hot Slut Of The Day!

January 28, 2015 / Posted by:

Bart, the cat who was hit by a car, declared dead, buried and five days later crawled out of his grave and went home to get fed. Zombie cat lives!

Over a week ago, Bart was hit by a car and knocked the hell out near his home in Tampa. Bart was pronounced dead and both Fox 13 and Fox 29 don’t say who pronounced him dead. If it was a vet, then I’m assuming that vet bought their degree for $5 off of the Internet and got their training from playing with the Barbie vet play set. Fox 13 (via People) says that Bart’s human Ellis Hutson was so upset about Bart’s death that he couldn’t dig a grave himself. So he asked a neighbor to dig a grave in his backyard. Ellis says he watched his neighbor bury his friend. Ellis figured that the angels took Bart to the great big Q-tip in the sky and began mourning him. But five days later, Bart rose from the dead and dug himself out of that grave. The potent fuckery that lives in the Florida air and all the meth in the soil probably brought Bart back to life.

Ellis’s neighbor found Bart pawing around her yard and meowing for food. Bart was taken to the Tampa Bay Humane Society where vets discovered that he was in a bad way. He had a broken jaw, a busted head and he lost sight in one eye. They told Ellis that the car accident knocked him out instead of killing him and when he came to a few days later, he got himself out of that grave. Ellis’ hotly-named neighbor Dusty Albritton believes that it’s a miracle and God brought him back to life. Bart is our new Jesus and we should worship him accordingly!

“The only thing I can think of is that this is God’s miracle. And I thought, why five days later? If Bart was alive before, he would have come to our homes earlier. All I can think of is that God created animal life on the fifth day.”

Ellis can’t afford to pay the $2,000 vet bill, so the Humane Society is going to cover it for him. It’s going to take at least six weeks, but Bart is expected to make a full recovery.

Pet Cemetery is REAL!

Ellis, Dusty Albritton, the driver of the car who hit Bart and the vet who declared Bart dead (if a vet declared Bart dead, which I don’t think one did) better join the Witness Protection Program and move out of state. Because Bart is back and he’s going to get revenge on those who wrote him off as dead. Actually, Bart is probably going to come after all us humans for doing him wrong. I always knew the zombie apocalypse would be led by a bad ass pussy from Florida.

FOX 13 News

(For Kelly and Justin L)

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