No, you didn’t fall into some kind of weird time rip that sucked you back in time to last year’s awards season where all anyone could talk about was whether or not Lupita Nyong’o was humping on the Greasy Jesus of Bushwick Jared Leto. It’s still 2015, and we’re still wondering if Lupita Nyong’o is currently spending her mornings washing Jared’s musty bike seat ball stink off her down-lows.
The last time we checked in on Lupita love life, she was dating Canadian rapper K’naan. Not Canada’s best rapper, but I digress. But UsWeekly says that relationship is as dead as Jared’s peroxide-dipped split ends, and she was seen getting “very flirty” with Jared during a SAG Awards afterparty in Sunday night. A source claims:
“He came in and spoke to Harvey [Weinstein] for a second, than raced right for Lupita. He hugged her and started whispering to her quietly.” The unattached actress was receptive to Leto’s attention, following his lead as he “dragged her right to the dance floor.”
While dancing, the stars “were whispering and laughing” closely together. “At one point they were sticking their tongues out at each other and staring into each others eyes. It was very flirty. Then Jared said he had to go but he told her to text him later and he ran off.”
Lupita was probably just checking his tongue for traces of Horny Rodent Rot. Of course, an insider (the stoned lice that live in Jared’s hair) tells Hollywood Life that you can stop picturing the words Mrs. Lupita Let’o, because the rumor that they’re humping on each other is 100% bullshit:
“Jared and Lupita are super super close and really good friends. It definitely could have been looked at as a major flirt fest but they are so close from spending so much time in last years award season that they just started from where they left off, the affection comes from a friendly place and not a budding relationship. They are not dating.”
Just friends, eh? Well in that case, I’d like to remind Lupita that it’s her job as Jared’s friend to make sure he doesn’t leave the house looking like a total mess. Friends don’t let friends show up to the SAG Awards looking like a low-budget Carrie Bradshaw, Lupita.