If you ever spent a Friday night trying to learn the dance moves to “Candy” and searching classified ads for a lime green VW beetle to do them in front of (either in your youth or like, last night – I’m not here to judge your choices), then this news is going to hit you hard. UsWeekly says that after 6 years of marriage, come-to-life Disney princess Mandy Moore and not-Bryan Adams singer Ryan Adams are calling it quits. I know, cue the “I Wanna Be With You” and weep into a hipster scarf. Couples who dye their hair the same shade of Auburn Mist together are supposed to last forever, goddamnit!
Mandy’s rep (who I’m pretending is named Candy, because why the hell not) confirmed the news to UsWeekly via this very PR-sounding statement:
“Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams have mutually decided to end their marriage of almost 6 years. It is a respectful, amicable parting of ways and both Mandy and Ryan are asking for media to respect their privacy at this time.”
Wait, no “It is with a heavy heart?“, aka the “Over the moon” of divorce statements? Come on Candy, you can do better than that! Give it a lil’ pizzazz. Maybe something like “It was truly a Walk To Remember, but after 6 years of marriage, these two are getting a divorce.” Sorry, I would have thrown in a joke about a Ryan Adams song, but I honestly can’t think of one. It’s not his fault – my brain is filled to capacity with remixes of “Check The O.R.“.
And I blame this on Mandy’s appearance in the Hallmark Hall of Fame movie Christmas in Conway. Hallmark movies are always breaking up marriages! Wait, that’s Lifetime movies, you say? Eh, it’s all the same.