During that douche bag performance (f)artist phase of Joaquin Phoenix’s career (“You’re going to have to be more specific.” – you), he looked like a dog’s hairy dingle berry that had been nibbled on by ants. Yes, I still would’ve hit it, but I would’ve ended up with a b-hole full of fleas and a mouth full of cheese. That rhymes! But after that whole stunt, the CDC and Hazmat worked together to clean Joaquin Phoenix up and bring out his hotness once again. Here he is at the premiere of Inherent Vice in Paris last night.
You know, Joaquin should really give Johnny Depp the card of the Hazmat team who cleaned him up and also let Johnny know that it’s okay to embrace the hotness. We’ll still see him as an eccentric and quirky artiste if he does. Joaquin probably looks good to my eyes because he’s working that founding fathers hair. Nothing makes your nipples stand up like a grown man in a bob. The Sexetary of Energy knows exactly what I’m talking about.