Ageless Romney Girl and FOX News contributor Stacey Dash, who was never drugged by Bill Cosby FYI, celebrated her 48th birthday on Tuesday and Instagrammed this picture from her big blowout. Judging by that picture alone, the only people who showed up to her party were the lone mariachi guy she hired and the assistant who took the picture. I guess her party’s theme was Forever Alone. In Stacey’s caption of her birthday picture, she wished herself a happy birthday and reminded everyone that’s it’s January with a hashtag:
Thank you Lord for another year Happy Birthday to me (and to everyone that shares 1/20 God Bless you) #happybirthday #staceydash #January
That picture looks like a still from the Twin Peaks reboot. This picture has all the ingredients for a beautiful work of art from the lone mariachi chilling under that archway to that tiara from Big Lots on Stacey’s head to that weird cake candelabra to the discount last call children’s birthday cake from Albertson’s. That cake looks like all the Care Bear diarrhea’d on it. If you replaced that mariachi guy with my mom, Stacey with me and that struggle cake with a He-Man cake, that picture would look like it was taken at my lonely ass 6th birthday party.
And I didn’t think it was possible, but Stacey Dash managed to snatch away the title of Loneliest Birthday Party Picture from Kirk Cameron.
A Birthday cake candelabra and a lone mariachi are the new Subway sandwich and sad lady hovering in the doorway.