Okay, Calm Down You Two…

Last night at the Los Angeles premiere of Mortdecai, 62-year-old sexy Cialis pill Jeff Goldblum and his 31-year-old knocked-up gymnast wife Emilie Livingston decided to give everyone in attendance an eyeful of what it looks like when an old-ass dude who can still get it gets the instant horn-horns for the girl who portions out his Lipitor into his plastic 7-day pill organizer by sucking each other’s faces on the red carpet. Normally I’m all for two horny sluts going at it in public, but watching Jeff mouth-hump on Emilie is 8 shades of NO. This looks like a daddy bird feeding a baby bird, or a Werther’s Original ad gone horribly, horribly wrong.

Thankfully, an even-messier someone was able to yank our eyes away from that mess, and that someone was Gwyneth Paltrow flashing half an organic free-range cashmere-basted boob:

Mothers, lock up your billionaire investment banker sons – Sexy Single Mommy Goopy is on the prowl! And maybe it’s because I’m a little high from the 3 bowls of French Toast Crunch I ate this morning, but those freckles of Goopy’s boopy sort of look like a happy little face, right? I can practically hear it offering me a cold glass of sparkling hand-pressed Madagascar lime leaf essence.

Here’s more of Jeff Goldblum acting like the definition of a late-in-life midlife crisis, Goopy serving up some “Mommy’s still sexy, right? RIGHT???” realness, as well as human guitar pick Johnny Depp, panty-dropping Scottish DILF Ewan McGregor, and jacked Crank Yankers puppet Tracy Anderson:

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com