I know, I know. It’s slow today and besides, this is an extremely important and highly relevant update about the biggest star in America today: the fake baby from American Sniper!
In my post yesterday about the breakout star of American Sniper, the low-budget Dollar Tree baby doll, I said that Clint Eastwood used a creepy prop baby, because he likes to direct really fast and a screaming, slobbering and farting human baby would hold him up. That’s not the truth, according to American Sniper’s screenwriter. In a tweet (which has since been deleted), Jason Hall said that they tried to give the job to a real, living and breathing human baby, but it didn’t work out, because babies either have the sicks or are flaky lazies. When journalist Mark Harris joked about the cheap ass plastic baby, Jason burped this up:
@MarkHarrisNYC hate to ruin the fun but real baby #1 showed up with a fever. Real baby #2 was no show. (Clint voice) Gimme the doll, kid.
I bet that irresponsible, lazy, rude baby is hating life right now (cut to the baby, now a 2 year old, laughing as it discovers it can fart). That prop baby has probably already signed to WME, got a 4 picture deal which includes the starring role in a big-screen version of Talking Tina and has replaced fellow hollowed out empty vessel Kristen Stewart as the new face of Balenciaga. This will teach the irresponsible babies of this country that they have to stop being flaky and lazy or they will lose their jobs to plastic baby dolls. But really, I’m surprised that Clint Eastwood didn’t make Bradley Cooper and Sienna Miller go full Clint Eastwood by acting with an invisible baby. It really would’ve added extra layers of mystery and drama to this hilarious scene:
And that doll on the shelf in the first few seconds… Is that what her legs look like or did the prop department not have another doll handy so they made one out of pink dildos?