Expert-level cougar Jennifer Lopez appeared on Ellen today to pimp out that movie where she has sex with a barely-legal piece (aka The Boy Next Door), and even though 45-year-old JLo plays a cougar high school teacher, and took her 27-year-old co-star Ryan Guzman to the Golden Globes, AND has a history of banging baby-faced tricks in their 20s in real life, JLo would like you to know she’s not a cougar. Yes, JLo’s down-lows get wet when she glances a dude’s driver’s license and sees a birth date that ends in the years 87 through 94, and her panties drop to the sound of the words “What’s In Living Color?“, but don’t call her a cougar. JLo is NOT a cougar!
“I hate that they have a label for a woman who would date a younger guy. If a younger guy is interested in you, what’s the big deal? What’s the word for the man who’s after younger girls? I’m not after younger guys. If younger guys like me, then that’s one thing. But there’s like guys who just go after younger woman. They have no name. No label. And you can date one person. Label. There’s just a little bit of an imbalance there. Not fair.”
JLo also went on to tell Ellen DeGeneres that she’s not currently fucking Ryan Guzman. You know, unless it would mean a bigger opening weekend for The Boy Next Door. In which case, please clear your schedule for this afternoon JLo, because you’re needed in a totally candid pap shot of you making out with Ryan. We’re thinking in front of the pregnancy test section at CVS, so wear something loose.
And JLo is wrong that there isn’t a word for an older dude desperately chasing after a younger girl; it’s “Johnny Depp“.
Here’s JLo arriving at The Wendy Williams Show earlier today looking like what Ariana Grande will evolve into if Ash Ketchum trains her properly: