Where The Hell Is The Oscar Nomination For The Fake Baby In American Sniper?

January 19, 2015 / Posted by:

But before we get into it, will somebody track down that prop baby’s agent and give them the number to a good fake baby plastic surgeon. Because that kid’s butt implant is slipping and it should use some of its American Sniper money to get that situation fixed.

I haven’t seen American Sniper yet, because I have a hard time getting into war movies and my idea of a good military movie is Private Benjamin. Besides, in American Sniper’s trailer, Sienna Miller cries into a phone and she does the same thing in Foxcatcher. A trick can only take so much of Sienna Miller crying into a phone. But I may force myself to see American Sniper so I can take in the brilliant and riveting performance of the fake, plastic baby (who I’m guessing is Chuckesmee’s little sister).

Seth Rogen’s favorite movie has made $134 million worldwide so far and all the credit for that movie’s success goes to the fake baby who delivered an emotionally raw and multi-layered performance as Bradley Cooper and Sienna Miller’s kid. Not since Beyonce’s pillow bump and Kristen Stewart has an inanimate object delivered such a scene-stealing performance! Apparently, some people who have seen the movie are complaining about how cheap and fake the baby looks. It almost ruined the entire movie for them.

They don’t even use an animatronic baby. B. Coop had to move it with his fingers. The other hos in the Best Actor race can pack it up and go home, because that trophy belongs to B. Coop. Did Michael Keaton, Eddie Redmayne and the other nominees move a baby doll’s hand with their finger while keeping a serious face? I think not. THIS IS ACTING! THIS IS SKILL!

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Anne Thompson, a film columnist, tells USA Today that Clint Eastwood used a fake baby, because he likes to shoot fast and he doesn’t have time for a real baby and its real baby problems:

“Basically, film professionals know that Eastwood likes to move fast on movie sets and recognize that he took the easy and less expensive route of using a fake baby — not even animatronic — that Cooper had to move himself to make it look lifelike!”

Also, Clint doesn’t like to use babies, because he wants be the only one on set who babbles incoherently.

And in related news, Pimp Mama Kris has announced that she’s starting a petition to get American Sniper stripped of its Oscar nominations and pulled from theaters. It is a sad day in Hollywood when fake babies are taking jobs away from human babies. If this becomes a trend and fake babies are hired over real babies, what are pimp moms and dads going to do for money?!

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