Julianne Hough Is Sandy And Vanessa Hudgens Is Rizzo In FOX’S Grease: Live

Those words put together in one sentence almost make me want to break up with my TV for good, but then I remembered that I can’t do that since Whitney is on Lifetime tonight.

The Television Critics Association Press Tour is happening this week and today was FOX’s turn to fart up news about what they’re offering up in the future. They dropped some good news in our laps by announcing that we’re getting more Cookie Lyon because Empire has been renewed. They also picked up Gotham and Brooklyn Nine-Nine for another season, and said that they’re talking about doing an X-Files reboot. Then they dropped a whole lot of NO in our laps by saying that the thorn in everyone’s taint Lea Michele will be a regular on Ryan Murphy’s new show Scream Queens, which is about a bunch of murders on a college campus. (So basically, it’s kind of like Scream the TV Show. Let’s cross our ass lips and hope that Lea’s character gets killed off in episode one.) Jamie Lee Curtis, Emma Roberts, Joe ManJello, Keke Palmer, Abigail Breslin and Ariana Grande are also in the cast. FOX also summoned a wave of WTFs by announcing that Ryan Seacrest’s ex-beard Julianne Hough and Coachella Queen Vanessa Hudgens will be Sandy and Rizzo in Grease: Live.

After The Sound of Music became a ratings hit for NBC, FOX said that they were getting into the live television musical game by doing Grease. That mess isn’t airing until January 31, 2016, but they’ve already cast two of the main roles and they said they’re working on casting Danny.

I guess there are worse things FOX could do. They could’ve cast Lea Michele in all the roles in Grease. You know she pitched that.

I can kind of sort of see Vanessa Hudgens, who is currently Broadway-bound in Gigi (???), as Rizzo. She miiiiight be able to pull off playing everyone’s favorite bitchy high school tramp. But Julianne Hough as Sandy? Did FOX not learn anything from watching Julianne Hough in Rock of Ages? A pile of oatmeal flakes could’ve brought more charisma to that role than Julianne Hough did. And I guess in FOX’s Grease, Sandy’s got that Benjamin Button’s shit, because that’s the only way to explain Julianne Hough, who is the same age as Vanessa, playing a high school student.

Were Courtney Act and Bianca DelRio not available to play Sandy and Rizzo? If FOX wanted to keep it in the FOX family, they should’ve cast Lisa Simpson as Sandy and Cookie Lyon as Rizzo.