I watch a lot of HSN and QVC (No, I don’t buy any of that crap! Ignore that pile in the corner of WEN by Chaz Dean hair products and Huggable Hangers.), so I’m used to the crazy and hilarious dumb stuff that comes out of their mouth as they try to sell useless shit to stoned gays (GUILTY!), insomniac memaws and lonely housewives. It’s understandable since they always have to keep their mouths moving, but this shit that happened earlier this week is a beautiful train wreck of derp.
While selling some blouses that look like rags a bunch of Lisa Frank animals got their periods on, Isaac Mizrahi and QVC’s Shawn Killinger got into a debate on whether the moon is a planet or a star or whatever. Duh mun: HoW duz it werk? If this clip was their audition to take over from Neil deGrasse Tyson as the new hosts of Cosmos, they nailed that bitch! I hope this leads to them starring with Sherri Shepherd in an educational TV show about astronomy and evolution.
And in case you need it in text form:
Shawn: It almost kind of looks like what the earth looks like when you’re a bazillion miles away from the planet moon. The planet moon….. From the moon looking back at the earth.
Isaac: From the planet moon…..
Shawn: Isn’t the moon a star?
Isaac: (in his Auntie Mame accent) No, the moon is a planet, darling.
Shawn: The sun is a star. Is the moon really a planet? Don’t look at me like that! The sun is a star. Is the sun not a star?
Isaac: I don’t know what the sun is.
Shawn: The sun is a star, isn’t it? (After a producer says something into her ear) The moon is not a planet. I KNEW IT! You were trying to take me down that road.
Isaac: The moon is not a planet! Wait, excuse me, Chunky….
Those dum-dums! The moon is a planet and the sun is a star? HA! Everyone knows that the sun is a British baby and the moon is a sunglasses-wearing, piano-playing lounge singer. Embarrassing! They need to watch more 80s and 90s television so they can educate themselves right. And who is Chunky? Is Chunky a planet or a star?