500 is a gross and offensive underestimate, I know.
Since today is a day that ends in “y,” started at 12:00 am and is done at 11:59pm, Micaela Schaefer was once again posing in front of the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin wearing nothing but a clit cover and the finest hooker shoes that 2 euros can buy. The actress, reality star, model, DJ and human orchid was back out on Berlin’s ho stroll to promote the new season of Germany’s “I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here” by posing with a 3D picture of her naked ass body while wearing an exquisitely crafted poontini that barely covered her franzbrötchen. One false move and everyone would see her precious German oyster (yes, it spits out pearls). Although, if that happened, everyone would let out a, “mëh,” (that’s German for “meh“) since they’ve seen it before and they’ll see it again. It’s their old friend.
If this doesn’t make the fashion industry collapse and turn to dust, nothing will. Because Micaela Schaefer proves that you don’t need stupid clothes to look like the epitome of pure elegance, polished finesse and potent sophistication. All you need is fabric the size of a hamster’s eye patch, a pair of Shauna Sand-approved fuck me heels and the confidence of a shameless fame whore.
America really has got to do better. We get Miley Cyrus doing whatever it was she was doing in those Polaroids and Germany gets this tower of timeless exquisiteness. In case you didn’t already know by the fact that this is a Micaela Schaefer post, the pictures in the gallery are NSFW unless you work in a plastic surgeon’s office or at the Museum of Beauty.