The living and breathing Alan Sherwood doll known as Matt Boner won the Golden Globe for Best Supporting Ass Cheeks for The Normal Heart, and in the press room he made some of us wish that we had the power to shape-shift into a trophy by making sweet, beautiful, intimate mouth love with his Golden Globe award. That Golden Nutsack award later defied all laws of EVERYTHING by learning how to produce sperm so that it could jizz itself over getting kissed by Matt Boner.
And later that night at the HBO after-party, The Normal Heart’s director Ryan Murphy went in and touched his lips against the Boner.
Yes, I’ve already canceled my plans for tonight (and by “plans” I mean watch Celebrity Apprentice and try not to punch the screen every time Donald Trump’s face comes on) so that I can spend some time Photoshopping my puckered up lips over Ryan Murphy’s face. It’ll be my Christmas card this year. And I’ll let you decide which puckered up lips I’m talking about.