Amal Clooney’s white gloves, the true stars of the night!
I haven’t checked yet, but I’m sure Amal Clooney’s white gloves already have their own Twitter account (UPDATE: They do) with thousands of followers, because they were the Angie Jolie’s fame whoring leg of the 2015 Golden Globes. Before I laid eyes on Amal’s low-key and subtle “foreign dignitary going to the opening night of the Vienna Opera” look, hos on my Twitter timeline were screaming “AMAL’S GLOVES! AMAL’S GLOVES!” Because people were freaking out about Amal’s gloves, I thought she had forgotten to take off the fisting gloves she wore during a little pre-Golden Globes fisting time fun with George Clooney. (Pro tip: If you’re going to get into some fisting time fun before an event, always wear gloves so your manicure doesn’t get jacked up.)
But Amal wasn’t wearing fisting gloves. She wore white formal gloves like she was going to a soiree at Downton Abbey. You could almost hear THE QUEEN herself say, “Too much, too much.” But I get while Amal wore those gloves. She didn’t want her skin to touch the skin of all of those mere mortal peasants at the Golden Globes. I’m all for someone doing themselves up like Natalie Wood in Sex and the Single Girl, but Amal should have listened to Johnnie Cochran. If the gloves don’t fit, leave them at fucking home. Her arms were swimming in those baggy ass gloves. It looked like Justin Bieber’s dick in Jon Hamm’s condom.
While on the red carpet, George told People that Amal “sewed them herself” that morning. George was clearly spitting out jokes, because those gloves clearly came straight from the House of Look At Me’s Spring 2015 collection.
Amal took off the gloves during the show, which disappointed me, because I was hoping she’d get up and do a mime show for everyone. The gloves were also nowhere to be seen during George Clooney’s lifetime achievement award speech where he continued to let us all know that Romeo and Juliet had a good run as the greatest love story in history, but he and Amal own that title now.
When George brought the eye rolls by going on about his love for Amal, I expected those hot white gloves to walk up to the stage and climb up his body to gracefully slap him back and forth in the face. They should have made themselves useful!