Well, technically the hottest look of the night goes to my dog who wore the potato chip crumbs and vodka splashes that fell on his fur as he napped on my lap during the Golden Globes last night. But the runner-up for hottest look of the night goes to Jehovah’s Sexiest Witness!
Every “Best Dressed of the 2015 Golden Globes” list is completely invalid and should be spit at if it doesn’t have this picture of Prince sitting at the top. Thousands of people had to shove a bottle of smelling salts up their asses last night when their b-holes went into a pucker frenzy from seeing Prince sashay onto the stage to present Best Song. For most of us, it’d take us just a few seconds to walk from the back of the stage to the front. But since Prince is about the size of a swan’s clit and he’s the only human on Earth who can fit into Barbie shoes, it took him approximately 45 minutes to walk from the back to the front and I nearly passed out from holding my breath the entire time.
When he got to front of the age, I expected him to smirk and say, “Surprise, bitch.”
There was so many things on Prince to gag on from his rhinestone-encrusted cane (which he randomly carried because every fashion queen needs a prop) to his pantsuit made out of the intergalactic wallpaper that hangs in Walter Mercado’s power room. Prince looked like an otherworldly Blind Mouse. See how he runs…the game.
Happy Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day, indeed!