Like Beyonce Would Ever Be This Subtle About A Pregnancy Announcement

January 11, 2015 / Posted by:

Grand master STUNT QUEEN Beyonce squirted up this picture on Instagram today and it’s got a lot of hos wondering if in a few months, the ground of the planet will once again be blessed by the toes of another deity. Beyonce didn’t put up a caption with this picture, because if threw up something like #JustStuntinAsUsual, her sand baby bump wouldn’t become a #1 trending topic on Twitter in all countries and every major news outlet wouldn’t break into their regularly scheduled programming to discuss this very important global news!

What does it all mean?! Is Beyonce letting everyone know that she really is the troll of all trolls by giving birth to a giant, sandy stunt on Instagram? Or are we about to get a second performance from her Tempur-Pedic pillow bump and months and months of surrogate rumors? Who knows! But if this is Beyonce’s way of announcing that she’s got a CASE OF THE BABIES, then I guess she’s also announcing that she’s got one tit and elephantitis of the shoulder.

Personally, I think Beyonce is just taking the attention away from Jesus on his day and is giving the Beyhive something to rabidly buzz over. I don’t think Beyonce would announce that she’s knocked up the same way your old high school friend would announce their pregnancy on Facebook. I refuse to believe that Beyonce would announce that she’s knocked up without a full crew, a team of choreographers, costume changes and a six figure budget.

If she and Jay-Z really are expecting another baby that they’ll probably name Fuchsia Fern Carter, then we’ll really know. When they’re about to announce the winner of the last award at the Golden Globes tonight, the lights will flicker, the room will shake, the ceiling will open up and Beyonce will descend from the sky with a gold-painted bump while dancers dressed like gold storks spell out the words “It’s A BeyBy” with letter sparklers. No, the Golden Globes is ONLY watched by 20 million people. She’ll do it at the Oscars.

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