Marilyn Manson Keeps His Chonies On During Sex

January 8, 2015 / Posted by:

I know you’ve been wondering what Marilyn Manson’s average fuck time sessions look like, and now you can stop wondering and start painting the picture with your mind.

Rolling Stone did a really interesting profile about Hot Topic’s oldest customer and I hope Lifetime turns it into a movie. Paul from The Wonder Years can play Marilyn Manson. (“So you mean, Marilyn Manson can play himself” said every trick who will forever believe that Paul from The Wonder Years and MM are the same person. I used to be you and a part of me still is.) Marilyn talks about his phobias and how his phobias get in the way of him having all-naked fuck times with the lights on. Marilyn’s mom had Munchausen by Proxy syndrome and he was in the hospital a lot for “allergies,” so all his weird phobias might have come from his childhood.

He can’t really take a shower with a piece he’s dating and he doesn’t do baths at all. Marilyn’s maid probably has a severe case of arthritis in the hands from constantly scrubbing white Halloween makeup, sex smegma and who knows what else out of his bed linens, because he only sleeps on black sheets and he bones at least 5 times a day. I figured Marilyn Manson came grey dust because he’s that goth. But now I know he cums dust and air because his gonads can’t produce jizz fast enough. Marilyn, who is currently doing photographer Lindsay Usich (If you read that as “Lars Ulrich” go with it. It’s good for your visuals), has to screw in the dark  and he’s always prepared for a fire:

First, no lights shall be on. “I’m just really shy, despite what you’d imagine,” he says. Second, no underwear shall be slipped farther down than his ankles. “I have a phobia that the house is going to catch fire, and I don’t want to be naked,” he says.

Basically, Marilyn Manson screws like a teenager who’s afraid his parents are going to come home at any minute.

So Marilyn Manson has to keep his panties on when doing sex. Big deal. He always acts like he’s the King of the Weirdos. He’s not. For his information, every human being I’ve ever done it with insists on keeping their underwear on too. It’s not that uncommon. Yes, they insist on keeping it over their face so they can’t see me, but still. That counts.

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