When it was announced back in June that former child star and current Adam’s crazy hipster sister on Girls Gaby Hoffmann was knocked up with a tiny kombucha-scented vegan cronut, I knew right away that we were but months away from some potential hipster-sounding birth story foolery. Sadly, when she did finally give birth to a baby girl on November 19th, there didn’t seem to be any. No hand-carved reclaimed barn wood birthing pools filled with organic rainwater. No small-batch epidurals made from steeped sage leaves and raw honey. Even the baby’s name – Rosemary – was pretty normal.
However, she didn’t totally let me down. During the Girls Season 4 premiere on Monday, Gaby disclosed her post-baby secret to People, and just like January Jones before her, that secret is eating her placenta:
“Placenta, placenta, placenta. Just eat that shit up, and it does a girl good! I made smoothies out of it for three weeks. I had a home birth, so my midwife and my doula took it and cut it up into 20 pieces and froze it, and every day, I put it in a blender with strawberries and blueberries and guava juice and a banana, and I drank that shit up.”
I wish I was half as enthusiastic about anything as Gaby Hoffmann is about eating her placenta. I picture her in a little party hat throwing herself a placenta fiesta every morning as she dances into the kitchen and throws on the Vitamix.
I feel like I’m in no place to throw any kind of shade at Gaby for eating her birth extras, because I’ve put worse shit in my mouth. And when I say shit, I mean, literal garbage. One time I made a sandwich that was just Doritos between two slices of white bread. “One time? LOL, that’s cute” just hissed my stomach. I’ve also been known to replace milk with melted ice cream in my cereal. I’m literally at the point in my life where eating my placenta would be considered a positive lifestyle change.