Sam Smith, the lumberjack version of Rick Astley, friend of Tay Tay, and popular singer of 2014, recently sat down with life legend Chaka Khan for an interview with V Magazine and confessed that there are some real shitheads in pop music right now. Shocked, I’m sure you are. Sam Smith and Her Majesty Chaka began bonding over their mutual love of Etta James and her imperfect voice (“Thanks, guys” hissed Etta James from her beautiful blonde cloud up in Heaven), which turned into a conversation about how yodeling hos all try to sound so perfect and machine-like now, to which Sam chimed in:
“Even when you meet them. I won’t name names, but some of these pop stars are just awful. And they have not even had half the success that you’ve had and yet you’re so humble and kind.“
Calm down, Sam – you’re wanking Chaka off so fast and furiously, you’re bound to start a small fire. Besides, Chaka doesn’t need to know how great Chaka is. Chaka already knows. But more importantly, who are these awful pop stars Sam Smith is referring to? Once again, I am deeply disappointed that a bitch didn’t name names. First rule of cunt club: never be afraid to call a trick out. However, if we have to guess who it is, I’m going with either that awful entitled polyester-haired brat Ariana Grande or…you know what? It’s probably Ariana Grande. That might be why he didn’t name names. I mean, even Ariana Grande (who is at this very moment thinking of ways to terrorize the Easter Bunny, I’m sure) is like, yeah, that sounds like me.
Or maybe this is just Sam Smith’s way of getting back at Selena Gomez for killing his buzz at Tay Tay’s birthday party. “Chaka Khan would never drunkenly cry over Justin Bieber, right Chaka Khan?“